The Matryoshka Principle

“It is far from simple to show the truth, yet the truth is simple.”

-Dziga Vertov

Last night, on the craptacular network called “Lifetime”, a new “reality” tv series premiered. Called “Russian Dolls”. For those of you who missed it or have no idea what I’m even talking about….check out this promo:

I know. Trust me, I know. I’m horrified as well. Actually, to be honest, when I first saw that promo a few weeks ago, I was definitely intrigued. I happen to have a few friends that are Russian-American. One of them was even born in Moscow (her parents brought her to America when she was a baby). And whenever I see something pass by my television screen that has some kind of Russian aspect to it (i.e. a movie, a history channel documentary, etc) I’ll sit and watch it for awhile. I don’t know if I do this out of respect for my friends’ culture or if its a genuine interest in the subject itself. Point is….I always watch this stuff. And that’s why I made a point to watch the premiere of “Russian Dolls” last night. I’m happy to report that my friends did NOT watch the show. Because I have a feeling they would NOT be too impressed with the crap I witnessed!

Before I get into details here, let’s stop and talk about culture themed reality shows. We have a major problem going on here. And the thing is, they could do so much with this stuff. If they could only just get the damn things right! Here’s the thing with this whole culture theme: you have to be SO careful about every detail of who you are representing. These stupid ass producers of these shows have GOT to remember to put more emphasis on the LOCATION. Or the setting, to put it another way I suppose. Because….okay, think about an apple. Do you even realize how many different types of apples are out there? Would you believe more than 30? It’s true, look it up. Half of them are red, the rest are green, etc. Should we just assume that the red ones taste exactly the same, just because they are red? Of course not. So why, in this day and age, do we assume all people of similar origin act the same? Because we watch reality tv. Like….Jersey Shore, for example. That show began as a portrayal of the actual Jersey Shore atmosphere. They were showing us that there’s this place that young locals migrate to in the summertime, and they all live together in rented cottages by the beach. And party their friggin asses off in a 24/7 drunken stupor. And they just happened to be chronicling the summer lives of this small circle of friends at the shore. Oh, there’s also the fact that most of the people in that circle were of Italian descent. In some way, shape, or form.  See how I tagged that tiny piece of info at the end of my description? Who cares if some of them happen to be Italian? Mtv, apparently. Because that became  the idiotic detail that Mtv decided to jump on. Suddenly, these people weren’t just Italian, they were ITALIAN. It was like any minute a friggin pizza pie topped with Tony Micelli was gonna jump out of my tv screen, I swear! But….y’know what? That’s okay. Maybe that’s just how those particular Italians were like. Near Jersey Shore or whatever. But then they hit us with season 2.  Which, to my knowledge anyway, wasn’t even filmed on or near the stupid Jersey Shore. Right? It was like in Miami or something (honestly, I’ve never got through an entire episode of that stupid show. I try. All the time. But alas, it is just way too stupid for me to even comprehend. My brain screams too loud and I’m forced to change the channel.  So yeah, I could be wrong about some of the details!) Let me break this all down for you, in case you’re missing my point here: They began filming a small circle of 20 something friends, as they shared a “party central” type of cottage during the summer season at Jersey Shore. Most of them happened to be of Italian background or whatever. So they took that stupid little detail and pushed it down the audience’s throats (the cast constantly referred to themselves as guidos and guidettes and….meatballs. etc) Eventually, after it began airing, a bunch of Italian Americans lashed out against Mtv’s portrayal of their culture. Because…..guess what people? MOST ITALIAN AMERICANS DON’T ACT LIKE THE IDIOTS ON JERSEY SHORE.  So Mtv made some sort of statement, like “Chillax guys, we weren’t trying to say that this is what all Italian Americans are like. Keep watching. We promise it will get better” But, as you know, it just got so much worse. And the fact that season 2 was held in a location that wasn’t even remotely close to Jersey….was just plain stupid. And wrong. They missed a golden opportunity to save face here. Because all they had to say was this: “we are not trying to represent all Italian Americans. This is a show that focuses on a TINY SUB CULTURE of Italian Americans, residing in and around the Jersey Shore. ” And THAT, my friends, is the whole point I’m trying to make here. People REALLY need to be aware (and I mean like…CONSTANTLY aware) that what they are watching is not a show about the Italian American culture, or the Russian American culture. As non-specific entities or whatever. In no way should people ever assume that “this is what Russian people in America are like. This is what they all do. This is how they all live their lives. This is what they all look like”. You are watching a show about tiny subcultures. Or, okay, some of them could be called “one of the larger sub cultures you’ll find in America” (Russian Dolls is set in Brighton Beach, NY, which is actually a fairly large sub culture of Russian American families)

I posted this up because I know people. I know how they think. And I know that not everyone has met someone who is of Russian descent, in whatever shape or form. And those people could’ve watched that show last night. And if they weren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, they probably now think that all Russians are superficial, kinda heartless and cold at times, spend obscene amounts of money on tacky looking jewelery, spend enormous amounts of time together in strange bathhouses, have canary blond hair against olive toned skin, are very flirtatious but never “give it up” (the women, I should say) and….the list goes on and on and becomes worse and worse. You get the picture. It’s disgusting and wrong. Because I can assure you, my Russian American friends don’t act ANYTHING like the people on that show. They don’t even look like them. I don’t know how those “dolls” got so dark/tan (I’m assuming its probably fake) but my friends have more of a healthy, pinkish hue in terms of skin tone. Sure, they do bronze up a bit after sitting in the sun. But I’ve never seen them turn….dark beige? Or whatever color that was on the show. I will say that one of my friends does die her hair blonde, yes. But she prefers NOT to look like a canary.  Birds just aren’t her thing, I guess, I don’t know. But….that’s okay. See, its only WRONG if the viewers don’t get that not every Russian is a Lifetime Network Doll. All I can say is they better keep reminding folks that this is Brighton Beach NY. Not everywhere, Americatown.

By the way, I just had a thought. You know who’s probably NOT very happy right now? If they’re watching from the afterlife? Two very smart men. Who happened to be from Russia, actually. Vladimir Kozmich Zworykin is the first dude I’m thinking of. A long long time ago in….this galaxy here, he happened to invent a transmitting and receiving system employing cathode ray tubes. Basically, he invented what we know as the picture tube television system. You remember picture tube tvs, right? It’s the tv you had before you got that flatscreen. Ok? Got it now? This guy invented fucking television pretty much. And because of his invention, we all get to watch a bunch of Brighton Beach Russians act like complete asses.  Isn’t that special? The other Russian guy I’m thinking of is Dziga Vertov. Who, years ago, came up with something called the Kino-glaz (“film-eye”) theory. Which translates to this: the camera, like the human eye, is best used to explore real life.  In other words, ole Dziga here is the dude responsible for the very idea of reality television. Or, since there wasn’t tv back then, we’ll call his idea “reality film making”.  I bet he was so proud of that theory at the time. I hope to God he can’t watch tv in the afterlife. Because, if he watched that stupid Russian Dolls show…..well, I suppose he couldn’t do much else but cry. I mean, the dude’s already dead. But I guess if I, as a ghost, found out that if it werent for me and my stupid brain, the world would never even think to Keep up with the God Damn Kardashians….I might have to go find Dr. Peter Venkman. Yup.

(Peter….who? Oh c’mon….think about it. You know exactly who that is!)

August 13, 2011 | Categories: Anywhere | Leave A Comment »

Intermission

I’m getting tired. Mind doesn’t seem to wanna focus on writing these memories tonight. So while you wait, please enjoy one of the funniest scenes from one of the funniest movies of all time. The Odd Couple….

August 9, 2011 | Categories: Anywhere | Leave A Comment »